Happiness,My Journal

Why Rejection Is Often The Best Gift

When doors close in your face and it feels like your life may be ruined, it’s actually the perfect time to pause and trust the universe. Because most of the time, it’s the best thing that can happen to you.

this post gives you five steps you can take to turn rejection into an upgraded life! Click To Tweet

An unexpected layoff, heart-wrenching break up, an unwanted move or any involuntary big, life change can easily feel like the worst thing in the world. Trust me, I know — I’ve been through almost all of them myself. But the good news is, forty plus years later, I’m still standing pretty proud on the other side.

So think about this … have you ever heard someone say “Getting laid off really ruined my life” or “I really wish that ex-boyfriend didn’t break up with me?”

Probably not. And it’s kind of crazy when you think about it because you probably know dozens of people going through these things (yourself included) and they can most definitely be painful transitions.

But when people tell stories looking back … they rarely focus on the transitional pain because they are talking about the long term outcome. And I’d say about 99.9999% of the time, the outcome from a painful or unwanted transition is better than the original position.

Note: I don’t actually know anybody in a worse off position years after an unexpected closed door, I’m just leaving the .00001% as a reasonable margin of error — ha ha

Instead of being bummed, disappointed and mopey from the rejection, realize that this situation can catapult you through a decision you didn’t have the nerve to make. Click To Tweet

It gifted you the launch pad to chase what you really want and need in life, but were too comfortable to go after.

But let’s rewind to the raw moment when you found yourself staring a door that was slammed in your face, you might not be brimming with excitement for what lays ahead. In fact, it might even feel like it’s the end of the world.

Generally you feel shocked, confused, caught off guard, and/or angry. You might feel betrayed, embarrassed or struggling to understand what you could have done differently to keep the door open. Those are all necessary emotions because closing doors are hard no matter what … in the beginning.

But when you grasp that you’re just ending one story so you can start a new one, it can start to feel exciting. Once you get past the rejection and stop letting it chip away at your self-esteem or create self-doubt, you can begin to see that it is just an opportunity to upgrade your life!

Five steps to turn a rejection into an upgrade:

Step 1: Realize you’re ok.

For whatever reason, you were living in a space that wasn’t a good fit for you. And chances are, you knew it. Whether it was obvious or just something you now see in hindsight, you know it wasn’t the best situation.

It’s likely that you were not the problem; it was the situation and a combination of things that made it less than perfect for everyone. So this isn’t so much about you, and now it’s in the past and it’s just time to find a future that is a better fit.

Step 2: Dissect what was lacking in the prior situation.

Dig in here! Spend some time thinking about :

  • The stuff that drove you crazy and then try to understand why.
  • How you felt on a daily basis.
  • Were you able to be your best self?
  • Did you get to utilize your best talents?
  • Laugh your deepest laughs and smile your widest grins?

Don’t forget to look at the good stuff too, because obviously some things were good, or you would have slammed the door yourself.  It’s important to honor the good, because that’s the stuff you want to recreate, but on a much larger and more consistent scale.

Step 3: Define what you really want next.

This is fun! This can be like writing a fiction story, but then you’ll get to watch it unfold for you. Nothing is impossible, especially when you’re staring at the great plains of a wide-open and unleashed future! Grab a paintbrush and paint your future. Make it vivid.

  • What are you doing?
  • Who is it with?
  • How do you feel?
  • Where are you?
  • How do you look?
  • What are you achieving?
  • What cause are you fighting for?

This is the perfect time to make a vision board!

Step 4: Make a clear path to go after it.

Once you have a detailed vision of where you want to be, you just need to work backwards. Always keep your eye on the prize but also directly in front of you on the steps it will take to get there. And don’t be shy or timid.

  1. Put it in writing.
  2. Ask for support.
  3. Take action.
  4. Sit back and watch it unfold.

Two of my most favorite quotes:

As far as I can tell, it’s just about letting the universe know what you want and then working toward it while letting go of how it comes to pass.

Jim Carrey

“Life is a dance between making it happen and letting it happen.”

Arianna Huffington

Step 5: Remember, you’re ok.

When and if you get flashbacks of low-self esteem or find yourself looming in self-doubt, remember, you’re ok. You’re the architect of you’re future. You’re an artist in action. It’s not always perfect, in fact, it will likely get messy, but that does not mean it can’t also be beautiful.  

You are unique and worthy of what you truly want in life. You have talents, characteristics, traits and beauty different from anybody else. Just because you haven’t found the right fit yet, does not mean that it doesn’t exist.

Who Am I To Write this Post?

I wrote this post because I’ve been through a lot of rejection in my life. I’ve stared at a door I didn’t choose to close, more than once. I’ve wondered how I could have done things differently and if I’d ever recover. I’ve gotten out of bed in the morning to go through the motions and counted the hours until I could crawl back in…

Eventually, I realized I wasn’t decimated. In fact, I could thrive. Now on the other side, living a highly upgraded life, I look back and find myself so grateful for the misfortunes that unraveled and the exciting opportunities they made available to me.

If you ever find yourself staring at a closed door, remember comfort really can be a killer. Remember, that wasn’t your best shot at a great life.  You’re staring at an opportunity to create an upgraded version, one that lets you thrive. You’ve been granted the best gift of a fresh start and a brighter future.

Trust the universe. It has your back. Click To Tweet

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